Non-verbal Communication for an American is Sweden

One of my favorite jokes that never gets a laugh is based around the culturally specific term “Spooning.”  I actually hate this term, as it is used in modern American culture.  When ever someone uses this work in the context of intimate relationships, I say “Why don’t they call it forking?”  I find this hilarious...no one else seems to.  Every time I say it around my wife...I get "that look." 

Now try moving this to another culture paired with another language.  

Swedish people don’t get this joke for good reason.  The swedish word for fork is gaffel...just not funny.   It just doesn’t have the same ring to it.  The last time I tried it, the looks I got were funnier than the joke...at least to me.  I then consulted my brother-in-law about the joke and he said everyone thought it was funny...What?  No one laughed, no smiles...just faces that in my opinion look confused.  

The body language, non-verbal communication of Sweden, more over the culturally specific communication is very different and easily noticeable for an outsider like me.  Trying to explain some of these things will be difficult...but I’m going to try anyways.  

The first thing I recognized when I first came here was what I call the “Breath affirmation.”  In conversation, someone will say something and the other person will inhale quickly...kind of like that inhale you got when you were a kid and you cried really hard but only one.  It is in place of a yes or ok we might give.  When I first say someone do it I thought they were surprised a lot.  

I tried to get a video of this but every time I tried people wouldn't do it or would giving the cross-culturally recognized "Don't do that!" face.  I will continue with endeavor.

Another interesting aspect of this is that it tends to be more of a female trait.  I haven’t seen many men do this. And it also seems to be women in their thirties and forties.  I’ve never seen the younger generation do it nor have I seen the older generation do it.  

There is also a lot of nodding, also as an affirmative response.  During several conversations today, I’ve noticed people nodding their heads continuously.  Kind of a visual cue that people are following you. 

Clothing is another area where the slightest difference can mark you as an outsider or an insider.  As I am not a woman and not attuned to the fashion whims of the U.S. and Europe, I really can not comment on the fashion differences of women here.  I do however notice major differences in the way men here dress and the way I dress.  Partly this is due to my wife sometimes trying to dress me more "European."  This is code for tight shirts, "skinny?" pants...Thank God the "Speedo's" are no longer the "rage". 

I will admit that my understanding of European fashion is limited mainly because I haven't left the island yet and I have found in the past the dress on the island during summer is more geared toward swimming.  If we make it to the city I will let you know what I see. 

For me the difficulties are that I’m trying to learn the spoken language as well as the non-verbal cues and its hard.  I do have a fair amount of understanding of it, mostly because I’ve lived with a Swede for nearly ten years and have grown accustom to many of the cues, almost to the point that I do not still recognize them.  Then again, my wife has lived outside of Sweden for twenty years, and thus as lost or at least altered some of her physical cues so that they are distinct.  This actually makes my job harder...No one said learning another language (physical and vocal) would be easy.  

I kind of feel like I’m some where in the middle.  I almost positive I use some of the cue and know for a fact that I don’t use most of them.  I wonder how many people I have offended by not producing the correct cues.