Seattle is where I have chosen to live and work and raise my family. But I don't have a long history there. The town I grew up in (Arcadia, Ca) is where my memories are, but my family doesn't live there anymore so my visits there are short and mostly in a car. The city where my family lives (LaVerne, Ca) I have no real memories or past there but my folks live there and that is where we stay when we go to Southern California.
Most of the time none of this is a huge issue. My life is where my wife and kids are. When we come here, the feelings of not belonging are more evident for me...especially when I look at my wife's experience. She has a great deal of history here, she knows every rock and bend in the road. She has a story for just about every house..."so and so lives there and we used to...", "That is where my mom...". It is really neat to hear but also contributes to my feeling of isolation.
My wife has a lot of friends and associations here. In contrast to me, I pretty much don't have any friends any where. She see her grammar school crush and those who had crushes on her...both of those are lacking when I return home as well.
My wife has a lot of friends and associations here. In contrast to me, I pretty much don't have any friends any where. She see her grammar school crush and those who had crushes on her...both of those are lacking when I return home as well.
I wonder how common this actually is. Do most people have a place like this they can return to? It seems that most of the people my wife went to school with still live very close to the island and return for extended visits when ever we come back and probably most other times too. I assume my wife's return isn't the only thing that draws them back.
It is tough sometimes coming here. Because of the large number of people she knows here, there is always someone to talk to or go visit. Which leaves me either alone or watching the kids or both. In away coming here moves me further down the ladder...The kids always are at the top, then come her family, then the friends, then me... I understand it fully, but in a place where I don't speak the language or fully understand the culture, it leaves me isolated in a different way.
On occasion over the years we have had visitors, which changes the dynamics and in most cases I become the tour guide (not sure how or why). Come to think of it that's what happens at home as well. Most of the visitors are friends or her's that predate me. I have thought of inviting friends and family of my own to come over. Being that I don't have (m)any friends this is also problematic. I have also considered bringing members of my family here...I'm not sure how that would go either.
Being that I am some what familiar with the people and culture here, I feel a great connection to and respect for the culture as I understand it and how people do things. Part of it comes from my familiarity, another part comes from me being an anthropologist. I believe and try to practice the "When in Rome" concept. It serves to decrease unintended alienation and insult.
I also know my parents and their limited view of cross cultural interactions. If they were to come here, I fear they would not adapt or alter their normal routeing. I foresee being in an uncomfortable middle ground...looking out for my parents needs while doing what I can to avoid culturally offending people.
Is this were being anthropologist becomes a problem...When I can't set aside my cultural relativism, or am I just being a person of different generation and not recognizing what its like to be a generation older?
Better yet is my understanding of cultural relativism too limited. I see the uniqueness and importance of staying in the bounds and respecting the Swedish culture but have, up until this point the fact that my parents are part of their own culture that is also unique and should also be understood and respected.
On occasion over the years we have had visitors, which changes the dynamics and in most cases I become the tour guide (not sure how or why). Come to think of it that's what happens at home as well. Most of the visitors are friends or her's that predate me. I have thought of inviting friends and family of my own to come over. Being that I don't have (m)any friends this is also problematic. I have also considered bringing members of my family here...I'm not sure how that would go either.
Being that I am some what familiar with the people and culture here, I feel a great connection to and respect for the culture as I understand it and how people do things. Part of it comes from my familiarity, another part comes from me being an anthropologist. I believe and try to practice the "When in Rome" concept. It serves to decrease unintended alienation and insult.
I also know my parents and their limited view of cross cultural interactions. If they were to come here, I fear they would not adapt or alter their normal routeing. I foresee being in an uncomfortable middle ground...looking out for my parents needs while doing what I can to avoid culturally offending people.
Is this were being anthropologist becomes a problem...When I can't set aside my cultural relativism, or am I just being a person of different generation and not recognizing what its like to be a generation older?
Better yet is my understanding of cultural relativism too limited. I see the uniqueness and importance of staying in the bounds and respecting the Swedish culture but have, up until this point the fact that my parents are part of their own culture that is also unique and should also be understood and respected.
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